It might temporarily reduce your anxiety about approaching them (about making your pitch), because if you think of them as targets, you can try to trick yourself into thinking that they won’t be judging you when you walk up to them. At the purely practical level of attracting women, it’s stupid. Objectifying women isn’t just a moral failure. At that point you’ve reduced your customer to nothing more than a cash dispenser, or, since we’re talking about objectifying a woman, a sex dispenser. If you want to guarantee mating failure, all you have to do is think of her as nothing more than an inanimate object-as an “8” or a “9,” as a simplistic robot with a set of “triggers” and “hot buttons” to manipulate. Ironically, a great way to understand a woman’s point of view is to think of her as a marketing consumer : a savvy customer evaluating your products (traits) and ads (proofs) to see if they’ll add value to her life. You have to subjectify them: accept, understand and acknowledge their individual, subjective consciousness. To attract women, you must be able to take their point of view and think of them not as marketing vehicles to objectify, but as living, thinking, feeling individual humans. Here’s the thing, though: when women say, “Don’t objectify me,” they don’t mean “You’re never allowed to look at my boobs or notice my butt.” Actually, they kind of like their boobs and butts, and hope you do, too, if you’re a good guy and you also appreciate their other features, like their eyes or their opinions. On the other hand, this expectation has created in women the belief that most guys care only about a woman’s boob-to-ass-to-leg ratio, which is a recipe for resentment and distrust. On the one hand, the media have established an unrealistic expectation of beauty for them to live up to, and this makes them insecure. The problem from a mating perspective (besides the obvious ethical one) is that normal women feel this objectification acutely. All of them shamelessly use beautiful, scantily clad women with big boobs, tight asses and long legs as the vehicles to deliver their message. This is how everything, not just liquor, is sold to men-hand tools, shampoo, Doritos, porn, cars. Go to a sports bar in any major city or college town on game day, and invariably you will run into a crew of gorgeous young women in skin-tight, cutoff referee outfits or school jerseys walking around, selling shot specials or beer buckets. She Is Tired of Being Objectified, So Subjectify Her Instead We’ll also focus on women’s vulnerabilities, concerns and anxieties that you might not have considered before, because these are the aspects of the female experience that have long stood between men and a greater understanding of-and success with-women. ![]() They are based on the best, current scientific knowledge that we have about women’s psychology and sex differences. To be clear: the insights in this chapter are not a collection of opinions and moralizing lessons. And it will also help your relationships with your mom, sisters, daughters, female friends and co-workers. It will help you to stop acting like a self-sabotaging dick. It will help you have better dates, cooler conversations and hotter sex. It will help you avoid and resolve arguments, saving you hours of grief. And this is for the simple reason that understanding the female perspective helps you do much better with women, whatever your goal-whether it’s a one-night stand, a friend with benefits, a girlfriend or a wife. We’re telling you to simply understand women. You are a man, and women like men turning into a woman would make you less attractive to (most) women. ![]() We’re not suggesting you have to become a gender psychologist or feminize your whole worldview. The better you learn to see these things from women’s points of view, the less unattractive you will be to them and the less confused, resentful and frustrated you will be by how they respond to you. You need to understand how women evaluate your qualities and how they perceive the status, danger, opportunities and threats that you could present. ![]() We cannot emphasize this enough: m ating success requires cross-sex insight. This is only the beginning of the harms she potentially faces at your hands. You can pretend you love her, get her pregnant and then abandon her. Socially, you can spread lies about her or damage her reputation (with men and women), sometimes just by being associated with her. And their fears don’t stop at physical harm they are just as vulnerable to social and emotional harm, as well.
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